I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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