im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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