all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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