3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
