i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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