eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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