people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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