can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
