hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
