I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
