why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
