I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
