Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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