but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The struggles of a small town man whore
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
