Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
