Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Its about making memories worth repressing
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
