I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
