Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
