he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
