she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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