yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
