It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
