Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
