Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize