New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
