so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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