she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
