This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
