I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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