Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
