don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
