i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
