if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
