So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is Oprah even human
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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