On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize