: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
