im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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