I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
