I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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