Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize