Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
