there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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