I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
