I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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