How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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