so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
