WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
