Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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