to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
