I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
