He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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