i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
