If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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