Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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