Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
