dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
