My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize