You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
