he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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