There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
