Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
