i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm passing your future prison.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
