While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this just has baby written all over it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
