Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
