i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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