I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
