yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
