I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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