Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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