Everything about him screamed your future.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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