How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
