On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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