I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
