I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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