chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
