I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
